Man Up!

I took a group of guys backpacking in the Linville Gorge a couple of months ago. It was a great trip. We spent two nights in the woods by the beautiful Linville River, and I think we all hoped it would never end. There were all kinds of stories that came out of that trip. The guy who fell in the frigid water while trying to cross the river on the rocks. Too many beans and too little space in the tent. Disrupted constitutions. The lost trail after the sun went down. The near-lethal flaming stove. You know...the normal stuff that happens in the woods when it's just a group of men. But one night as we began talking around the campfire, things got a little serious. We talked about how there's just something about the wilderness that speaks to us as men. Something about being connected to the land. No showers. No sports shows on widescreen TV's. No icemaker. No traffic jams. Just the land, the stars, the fire, the pack on your back, and the guys beside you.

The imperative statement of the trip was "Man up!" Now I have heard this used in quite a few different ways, as in:

"Man up and go change your panties!" (Translation: "Quit acting like a girl.")

"Just man up and do it." (Translation: "Quit being so indecisive.")

"Man up and take it." (Translation: "Don't wimp out.")

I know that some of that can be offensive. After all, we are living in a culture that values an egalitarian gender perspective. But I wonder where that kind of thinking has led us. I certainly think it has led us to a world of men living in passivity. Men don't know what it means to lead. They don't make decisions. They don't protect their women. They know nothing of honor. They are passive.

As we were talking about this very thing around that campfire that night, one of the guys asked, "But if no one was passive, wouldn't that leave us with a bunch of egomaniacs who can't agree on anything?"

And that is precisely where we have lost the meaning of the word. Passivity is not about being kind and cooperative. Passivity has nothing to do with things like loyalty and honor. Passivity is about laziness. Doing nothing. And that is precisely what our culture of passive men has fostered. We do nothing.

The key here is responsibility. Except for denying it, we just don't know what it is:

"You were hammered; you had way too much to drink."
"Well, I'm addicted to alcohol and none of my friends tried to stop me."

"Man, your family is falling apart. Your kids are out of control."
"What am I supposed to do? My work demands too much of me."

"Dude, you are obese; you better start eating better and exercising."
"I can't help it; I don't have time."

"I can't believe you cheated on your wife and went to bed with that woman."
"I couldn't help it; she seduced me."

We have become a generation of guys who refuse to take responsibility for anything: our performance, our health, our families, our decisions, our work, our finances, our morals and values. You name it; we pass the buck. That's passivity. And it's the self-embraced disease of masculinity.

If you're a man out there, it's time to man up and take some responsibility. Do that, and you won't have to worry about changing your panties.